I’m facing a major work decision that I never saw coming. When I bought an office condo a few years ago, I felt like I won the work lottery. A decade earlier I was trapped in the golden cage of a tenured academic job. Long transition story short, I’d moved on to create a business doing what I do best. Now, I had complete control over my work life, including owning the office space. I thought I’d never feel trapped again. Then, the banging and thumping began. A music school moved in above and suddenly my office became a vibrating cacophony of stomping, rhythmic thumping, and loud bangs. Not great when your business needs a quiet space with no distractions. The owner told me to take a long leap off a short pier. And said it was my fault for being so stupid to buy a lower unit. And threated to sue me for harassment when I put in a complaint to the Association. Nothing Minnesota Nice here. After ghosting me, I finally got the Association to tell me that they are more scared of the owner than of me and won’t do anything. They wouldn’t even come to hear the noises. That clause about having a right to quiet enjoyment of my space? Well, we can’t actually make anyone follow the rules. Really?? Is a music school considered a “professional and business office”? Well, we think your psychology practice is not a professional office so maybe you shouldn’t be here. What?? Sigh. Just about the strangest experience of my professional life. I get that they just want me to go away. How am I handling it, you ask? Totally wallowing. Feeling trapped, angry, and powerless. Lots of cursing and some tears. It’s hard not to feel like the bullies won. What do I tell my clients when they feel stuck in a toxic work situation? Many of my clients come to me because they feel trapped, angry, and powerless in their working lives. The first task is making space to process all those crappy feelings. Then, we uncover the options they have and bring back a sense of control. Sometimes there are choices they were not willing to entertain before (e.g., job search, career change, having difficult conversations). Other times, the options are pretty limited. I’m thinking of all the people right now hunkering down in toxic jobs because the economy is so uncertain, crossing their fingers they can escape the layoffs. There’s a big psychological difference between making a decision of your own choosing and having a decision forced on you. That’s why quitting your job feels more empowering than getting laid off. And why my decision about what to do next with my office space feels so challenging. Once you see your options, you can make choices – and the decision to not make a change is a valid decision. This allows you to reframe “I’m trapped” to “The best choice is to stay at this job right now.” You get to make the decision, rather than feeling like a victim to the circumstances. And, yeah, I know that I have not been taking this advice. I’m just beginning to explore my options. Are there noise solutions? Can I move past feeling like the bullies won? I’ll keep you posted… 👉 Read the full post here
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