Got a Work Best Friend? It’s Good for Your Work Mental Health

Want to boost your emotional health at work? Make some friends.

Who are your friends at work? Do you have a “work spouse” or a “best friend”?

I recently reread Dr. Annie McKee’s book, How to be Happy at Work, and was reminded of the importance of work friendships.

For 15 years, Dick was my best work friend. From the outside, we were an unlikely pair. He was a brilliant and kind white male statistics professor extraordinaire who was much older than me (he got married the year I was born) with no kids. I was a fledgling professor flailing my way through getting tenure while taking care of toddlers.

But Dick took me under his wing, as he did for so many people (all of you with UAlbany connections know how special he was). He taught me how to be a professor (and some stats) without ever making me feel anything less than his equal. And he was my travel buddy; we spent hours together in airports, restaurants, and research conferences as we puttered our way around Portugal and Italy.

I would have left the job years earlier if it had not been for my friendship with Dick. It was easier to leave after he retired because I no longer had colleagues stopping by my office to ask about my day or to commiserate about shared frustrations. (Dick’s greatest aphorisms: Hell is other people (and meetings). No good deed goes unpunished. Who’s going to bell that cat?)

Why are Work Friendships Important?

Work friendships are good for your mental health. Work environments that support positive relationships among employees tend to be fun places to work, with laughter, inside jokes, and shared purpose and goals. There is power in feeling like you belong and in knowing that people care about you – and you care about them.

Work friendships also make the work better. Feeling connected with other people at work builds trust. More trust means more vulnerability, authenticity, and risk-taking, which creates space for innovative ideas.

What does the research say? People with work friends have more job satisfaction and are more productive, engaged, and creative. They report lower work stress and are less likely to consider quitting.

Work Friendship Worries

But making friends at work can be a job in itself.

Emotionally smart leaders create the time and space for relationship development among employees. But many work environments are stretched thin with little time for anything other than meeting project deadlines. And remote workers must go the extra mile to create those “water cooler conversations” to get to know their colleagues. 

If there was enough time and everyone was friendly, respectful, and positive, work friendships would be easy. But because people are complicated and relationships are messy, it makes sense to be selective about your work friends.

Will you be friends with everyone at work? Definitely not. Developing relationships with those very difficult coworkers – the back stabbers, the aggressors, the gossipers – is not worth your time. You’ll interact with them professionally [see the blog: How Do I Deal With Difficult Colleagues] but not be friends.

Some worry about the potential downsides. A work friendship might spill over into your personal life. Or you’ll have a nasty breakup that will make things awkward. Or you’ll trust that coworker and they’ll betray you. Or you’ll make a great friend, and they’ll leave.

Leaders worry that they’ll show favoritism, and employees worry that a friendship with a boss may lead to oversharing and other awkward interactions.

These are understandable worries. It makes sense to be thoughtful about who is worth getting to know and trust. If your boss is responsible for your performance reviews or bonus awards, perhaps be friendly, but not friends.

But these worries should not hold you back from making friends at work.

The takeaway message is clear: the positives of work friendships outweigh the potential negatives. Great work friendships have the power to make your work life tolerable, and maybe even enjoyable. It is good for your work mental health to seek out coworkers who will make the job fun, be there to support your wins, and make the team more productive.